By the way, if you're on Twitter, and would like to contribute to a running list of "stupidest things you've heard someone in a LFG pug say," tag it with #pugbingo! Eventually, if I can find a list of 25 universal stupid-things-heard, I'll make a bingo card (or rather, will set something up to randomly generate a bingo card) and give prizes to people who manage to make a bingo. ^_^

Talents and abilities!
1. What's one thing you're particularly good at?
2. What's one thing you're particularly bad at?
3. Do you prefer it when your talents put you in the spotlight, or when you can perform them quietly from the sidelines? Or neither?
4. If you could be instantly great at any one thing, what would it be?
5. What's a talent someone else has that you particularly admire?

Ovistine Lighthammer
1. What's one thing you're particularly good at?
...I was real damn good at healing, once upon a time. I can make a mean flat of bullets nowadays.

2. What's one thing you're particularly bad at?
Heh. You ever seen my knitting? Or sewing? Mind you, it usually works out. I made this robe once that had a hole in the seat. Teuthida snapped it right up an' said it was perfect. Fit her tail just right!

3. Do you prefer it when your talents put you in the spotlight, or when you can perform them quietly from the sidelines? Or neither?
Well, neither healing nor melting faces really do their best when they're in the spotlight. I did win a contest once for "best model gyrocopter", back when I was a wee thing. (Though some folks complained that as a dwarf, I had an unreasonable advantage. Feck that. I worked as hard as anybody.)

4. If you could be instantly great at any one thing, what would it be?
Well. Right at this moment, given me options are a bit thin on the ground, I'd like to be better with Chaos. Shadow. It's not sommat I love, but it'll have to do, aye?

5. What's a talent someone else has that you particularly admire?
Mum makes pretty spectacular jewelry, when she's of a mind to. I wish I could do half as good with it, but the wee "String Your Own Beads" kit she sent me went about as well as the "Learn To Patchwork Quilt" kit I got from Agness one year. I'm still finding beads weeks later...

Agness Dea
1. What's one thing you're particularly good at?
Cooking! I love to cook, bake, and generally experiment in the kitchen. I may never live down that one time I made soup out of Murloc Fins, though...

2. What's one thing you're particularly bad at?
You know, this is going to sound weird, but for a priest, I was never much good at healing. I can still do it if I want to, though. What? I totally can, darn it. I just haven't wanted to in a while...

3. Do you prefer it when your talents put you in the spotlight, or when you can perform them quietly from the sidelines? Or neither?
I'm not too crazy about being in the spotlight. I'd rather donate baked goods for a bake sale than actually auction them off, say.

4. If you could be instantly great at any one thing, what would it be?
*mutter* I don't suppose "imp wrangling" is an option...

5. What's a talent someone else has that you particularly admire?
Vaelen can get the tops off jars every single time. It would be really, really useful if I could do that, but noooo, half the time I have to get him to do it. I swear, it was easier before we got married. Do you ever think marriage was invented so people would have someone around to open jars for them? I wonder that sometimes.

Teuthida of Shattrath
1. What's one thing you're particularly good at?
Setting things on fire! ...usually, even on purpose. Ahem.

2. What's one thing you're particularly bad at?
*sigh* It is not surprising to anyone, I think, and so I am going to say "languages". You would think after four or five years among the Alliance, I would be better at Common. But it is so complicated! So many words that mean the same thing! Such silly structure for putting words together! It is easier to just concentrate on blastings or healings and assume people will know what I mean, yes?

3. Do you prefer it when your talents put you in the spotlight, or when you can perform them quietly from the sidelines? Or neither?
There are certain dwarves who are very, very insistent that if there is a spotlight, or a puddle, or a blizzard, or a rune, I am NOT to stand in it. I must move quickly quickly quickly. Yetis are also not for standing in. So no, I am not liking the spotlights a bit. Unless it is Flame Wreath. Then I am not to move. Or things blow up.

4. If you could be instantly great at any one thing, what would it be?
It would be nice if I could learn to conjure pies, instead of only breads and cinnamon rolls... I am very very fond of pies! Also sandwiches, but I have learned recently to conjure those. \o/!

5. What's a talent someone else has that you particularly admire?
Have you seen the little dwarf? Ovistine? She shares my buzzbox frequency. She has braids that go TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL!!! So cute! Many dwarves can twirl their braids this way! My pigtails, they occasionally bounce and that is all. I would like to learn this twirling thing! Perhaps if my hair grows long enough...

Romance seems to be the driving plot behind a lot of characters -- or if not the driving one, certainly one that lasts through other major plot elements. I think it might actually be more unusual for characters in my circle to be single than attached.

Which makes me wonder, and inspired a set of five questions to be posed to any characters interested in answering them:

1. If you're attached, how did it happen? (If not, are you interested in dating?)
2. Have you been "lucky in love" in the past?
3. What's the number-one thing you need from a potential mate?
4. Is there friction in your relationship? Big, small, none at all?  (If you're not in a relationship, how much friction would you like?)
5. Do your friends and family like the person you're dating?  (If you're not dating anyone, how important is your friends' and family's approval?)

Of my four "major" characters -- Ovistine, Teuthida, Nancie, and Agness -- two are in relationships and two are, um, uh, HEY LOOK A MURLOC KILL IT KILL IT!

Ovistine

1. If you're attached, how did it happen? (If not, are you interested in dating?)
   I'm, uh... I mean, I wouldn't... well, if someone asked me out for a drink, see, I'd... I mean, only if it were a drink an' that's it. Right? It's not that I'm not interested, I just... I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. By which I mean someone twice my height, with pink skin an' purple hair, who carries fromping big axes. Not that I know if he'd be upset, but best not to chance it, aye? (Cf. fromping big axes.)
    
2. Have you been "lucky in love" in the past?
   I've not ever brought a lad home for the holidays, so I think that answers that. Um, unless you count last Pilgrim's Bounty. But that would be the first, so!
    
3. What's the number-one thing you need from a potential mate?
   A nice, bushy beard, preferably with braids in it. Oh, um, or someone patient an' kind an' thoughtful. With nice ears.
    
4. Is there friction in your relationship? Big, small, none at all? (If you're not in a relationship, how much friction would you like?)
   *grumbling* Not the kind I'd like. *pause* Assuming that's even... I mean, how would you... *blushes deep fuschia* Let's just say "no" an' leave it there.
    
5. Do your friends and family like the person you're dating? (If you're not dating anyone, how important is your friends' and family's approval?)
   Well, it's important, aye! An' everyone likes Valinar. I mean, theoretically, if... they seem to like... what research facility is this survey with, again?

Teuthida

1. If you're attached, how did it happen? (If not, are you interested in dating?)
   Valyrie has been my closest friend since we were tiny! Since before our horns grew in! How did we... "hook up"? Um... I am having a fishing pole, yes? And Valyrie sometimes gives me shiny baubles for the fishes... and for me...
    
2. Has your character been "lucky in love" in the past?
   Oh, I am very lucky all the time!
    
3. What's the number-one thing you need from a potential mate?
   Well. Good bonking skills, and perhaps willingness to head-butt me if I am pouting? Or, no, no, wait! A sense of ADVENTURE! Yes yes! Also willingness to eat pies for three weeks if I am beset with an urge to bake.
    
4. Is there friction in your relationship? Big, small, none at all? (If you're not in a relationship, how much friction would you like?)
   Friction? This is... oh, fightings! Well, so long as they do not hurt themselves by head-butting giant fire elementals. ...too often. I suppose it is friction when I am head-butted for pouting, yes? That is fine too.
    
5. Do your friends and family like the person you're dating? (If you're not dating anyone, how important is your friends' and family's approval?)
   Oh, it would be very important for Valyrie to like anyone else who came to live with us! It would really not work even a little if only I were fond of them, or only Valyrie.
    

Agness

1. If you're attached, how did it happen? (If not, are you interested in dating?)
   Well, Vaelen asked a friend of his to ask me if I would go walking along the canals with him if he asked, and of course I said yes. Then we went steady, got pinned, got engaged, he gave me a pretty ring, and then there was that thing that happened over Winter Veil two years ago and we got married very, very quickly. He was kind of insistent. I just thought the Red Winter Clothes were cute...
    
2. Have you been "lucky in love" in the past?
   Vaelen is all the past there is, so I feel very, very lucky!
    
3. What's the number-one thing you need from a potential mate?
   Hmm... I can't decide between niceness, righteousness, or a desire to smite Scourge.
    
4. Is there friction in your relationship? Big, small, none at all? (If you're not in a relationship, how much friction would you like?)
    Um, well--hey! Bizpit! Felwool is not for eating!--I might have to cut this a little short. Anything else?
    
5. Do your friends and family like the person you're dating? (If you're not dating anyone, how important is your friends' and family's approval?)
   Unfortunately, both my parents were killed in the Third War, so I don't really have much family left. But Trisia likes him, and my friends like him.
    

Nancie

1. If you're attached, how did it happen? (If not, are you interested in dating?)
   Once upon a time, there was a gryphon rider who was verra earnest, but didnae fly so good. But it turned out he had a knack fer tinkerin', an so one day at th' Forge, he an' a young lass turned soldier noticed each other o'er a fiery blaze. Wasnae nearly th' hottest thing goin' on tha' day, if ye ken me meaning! *chuckle*
    
2. Have you been "lucky in love" in the past?
   A lady ne'er kisses an' tells. I suppose a few lads may 'ave carried a bit o' a torch fer me now an' again...
    
3. What's the number-one thing you need from a potential mate?
   'E jes' needs t' stand by me, an' Geoffar's done tha' fer many years now.
    
4. Is there friction in your relationship? Big, small, none at all? (If you're not in a relationship, how much friction would you like?)
   Pffft! Ain't a marriage a'tall if there's no' a row now an' then. Anyway, nowt serious ever came o' it. He loves me an' I love 'im an' thass that.
    
5. Do your friends and family like the person you're dating? (If you're not dating anyone, how important is your friends' and family's approval?)
   Mum an' Da were a bit surprised I fell fer a Wildhammer, but th' lad's perfectly keen on Ironforge as well, though we've moved about a bit. Obviously th' bit loves 'er da greatly. An' ol' Brandur kin keep 'is advice to hisself, thanks. Jes' 'cause I've 'ad months where I didnae get th' kind o' home-leave I'da liked... anyway, aye, everyone loves Geoffar.
    

Ovistine Lighthammer in full 8/8 Virtuous, wielding Benediction.

I had a definite "WHOA" moment on seeing that. I'm so glad I kept that armor and that weapon! Talk about your blast from the past...

Yesterday, though, I found something even more appalling.

Imagine you're a male dwarf with a particular beard graphic (short and tidy!), and then you get a Female Dwarf Mask.  You might try it on.

You might look like this:

Yes, folks, that's a female dwarven mask with a Fu Manchu mustache.  (I suppose it helps to have the same hair color, roughly, as the mask.)

I have two mages, neither one of whom has ever learned Polymorph: Pig or is interested in Polymorph: Turtle, Polymorph: Penguin, or Polymorph: Black Cat, because that would mean polymorphing something into an animal that is not a sheep. (In fact, they've both gotten to the stage in the Polymorph: Pig quest where you turn naga into tons of tiny little sheep, which then wander around at high velocity, and haven't turned it in, because when I'm feeling kinda blue, seeing fifty tiny sheep zipping around my computer screen can cheer me up pretty quick.)

I have also been known to make tons of extra Explosive Sheep and just have them wander around like pets. (One of them might possibly have pulled a boss in Zul'Gurub once. Luckily, my raid was very forgiving.)

When the Elwynn Lamb was announced, I was overjoyed! A pet sheep! I figured I would never unsummon it, letting it wander around and graze at its leisure. Instead, Blizzard decided it was the one pet that should get killed in front of its owner... time after time. When I found that out, I stopped bothering with the Argent Crusade dailies. I really didn't want to put in all that effort for a pet that would break my heart by dying repeatedly.

But! I have a thought. What if the Elwynn Lambs are actually sheep that have been reclaimed from Felwood's wild flocks of woolly fel sheep, and you're keeping them around to try to rehabilitate them? What if you've been assigned a protective wolf who will keep a close eye on that fel sheep to see if the demons have truly left it? What if the wolf is only killing the sheep because it's sensed the fel energies amassing, and it knows the sheep will attack you if the wolf doesn't get it first?

Yeah, okay, it's a stretch. But I want a sheep pet, dammit. And it so happens that I have run into evidence that fel lambs exist.

Sure, they say the sound those sheep make is a "snore", but when you first hear it, it sounds like some kind of demonic bleat that requires you to get that sheep back to the Cathedral of Light for an exorcism, stat. It's simultaneously adorable and horrifying!

(Really, my image of fel sheep is that they're sheep that act exactly like regular sheep, only their wool is chartreuse or sometimes a pale red -- perhaps only changing color after the sheep reach maturity -- and their eyes glow with demonic fire. Otherwise, they graze and wander the meadows like any other sheep. Their wool, however, once sheared, washed, carded, and spun, knits up into incredibly soft, unusually warm blankets.)

A Dwarf Named Clunk

The thing about Ovistine's grandmum is that she means well. Ovistine keeps that in mind while twisting a napkin in her hands under the table.

"...an' I thought, well! Wha' this town really needs is a brewery!"

"It didn't have one before?" Ovistine asks, puzzled.

"Oh, it had eight! Bu' none o' them made ginger-pressed beer."

"Oh."

"Or--" and the dwarf Ovistine is, due to all lack of reason and a desire not to hurt her grandmum's feelings, out on a blind date with, leans forward, "chocolate stout."

Uther's beard, the man's insane. "That's... very nice," Ovistine says weakly.

"Aye, 'tis! Th' ladies love th' stuff. Cannae keep 'em off me when I'm givin' it out f'r free."

Ovistine shudders and tries to pretend it's a shiver, instead -- Kharanos is cold this time of year -- but that's a mistake. Clunk raises an eyebrow and leans forward even further. "Y'cold, lass?"

"Er, no! No!" Ovistine wishes briefly she'd studied the holy arts a little more at the Cathedral; she could 'warm herself up' by calling down a bolt of holy fire, and if it just happened to land on Clunk, and... no, no, horrible idea. Then he'd remember she's a priest and he'd call out for healing, and that's just asking for trouble. "So, um... chocolate stout and ginger-pressed beer. What else does your brewery make?"

Clunk strokes a hand over his beard -- Ovistine tries not to notice the wake of hopping fleas that are disturbed by the motion -- and gives her a sly look. "Well, tell ye wha', lassie. Seems as I could gi' ye a tour o' th' place. Right nae, if ye're done eatin'."

Ovistine looks at her barely-touched cold leg of mutton. She's seen too many sheep that really turned out to be trolls to be all that interested in such foods, but of course Clunk had ordered for her ("it'll keep meat on yer bones, lass! Or other places!") and after watching the fleas in Clunk's beard for a few seconds, she hadn't been very hungry anyway. "I, ah..."

Clunk puts a hand on her arm, and Ovistine represses the urge to smite him. "It's not a long ride frae here," he whispers. "Bet tha' ram o' yers could get us there in no time flat."

The buzzbox in Ovistine's small pouch starts chirping, and Ovistine jumps half a foot. She leans over and digs through her pack, grabbing up the buzzbox gratefully and holding it to her ear.

"What's that? Oh, my! No!" She glances at Clunk. "One of the buildings in Stratholme's caught fire again, and undead are just spewing out of it. I really have to go." She's already extricating herself from the table, digging further into her pouch for a few silvers, which she tosses onto the table before hurrying towards the door.

"Wait!"

Pack stashed at her waist again, Ovistine whistles for Wilhelm, who comes up with a rumbling bleat. Ovistine tips the stable master and hoists herself up on Wilhelm's back, patting him on the side of the neck. "Mutton, he orders!" she whispers. "Dinna fash, Wilhelm, I'd never eat you."

"Wait!" Clunk's hurrying out of the inn, nearly tumbling down the stairs in his haste to get to her. "When c'n I see y' again, lass?"

"Um... well..." Ovistine holds Wilhelm's reins hard as he rears up; he snorts at Clunk, and Clunk backs off a step. "Well, if the Horde ever invade Kharanos..." That's not quite right; even Clunk probably knows that a lass who's taken this long to reach Private in the army doesn't respond to every incidence of Horde attack. "That is, if you're ever stranded in Caer Darrow..." Agh! Don't give him ideas! "Tell you what: call me da and he'll tell you how to get in touch with me." And I'll warn Da to threaten his beard if he ever calls me again.

Clunk yells something as Ovistine takes off, but thankfully Ovistine's almost too far away to hear him. There might have been something about sending a cask of beef-fat lager to her da when he comes calling, but she hopes not.

Then again. If Geoffar Lighthammer gets a cask of beef-fat lager, he'll know full well what to do to Clunk without Ovistine having to tell him. (She can picture it so easily: "Ye mixed wha' wi' which?! Wha' are ye, a trogg or sommat?! Ge' out o' here, an' take yer demon-spawned brew wi' ye! No daughter o' mine's going t' date a dwarf wi' such bad taste in spirits! An' get some flea powder f'r yer beard, when ye go!")

The buzzbox chirps again. "Did someone say something about undead in Stratholme?" asks one voice, while another answers it with, "Aren't there always undead in Stratholme these days?"

"Sorry about that," Ovistine says into the buzzbox. "Needed an excuse in a hurry, and it was the first one I could lay hands on!"

"What's next," someone asks, "'oh, no, there are trolls in Zul'Gurub'?"

"Ooh, that's a good one," Ovistine says, grinning. "I'll keep that one in mind." She pauses. "By the way, if your grandmum ever tries to set you up on a date with a dwarf named Clunk, you might want to have some Thorium Grenades handy. If you catch her in the stun, you can get a pretty fair head start before she wakes up..."

But! Imagine, if you will, four or five-year-old Teuthida and Valyrie in Shattrath City, growing up in the orphanage together. This may or may not have actually happened, lore depending, but it is for-sure something that could have happened. Also, I do really enjoy taking random city NPCs and adding them to my characters' backstories (Brandur Ironhammer in the Mystic Ward in Ironforge is Nancie's brother, for instance), so yes, Haronem is an NPC somewhere in the game. ^_^

Tiny Elekks, Tiny Draenei

The tiny elekks might not have been the most attractive toys in the orphanage, but since each child had gotten to decorate an elekk last week, they were the current favorites. Valyrie's elekk had big puffy cones all over it, which she said were spikes for charging into battle; Teuthida had painstakingly glued hundreds of sequins to hers and covered it -- and herself, accidentally -- with glitter. Two days later, Teuthida was still sparkly, and now that her elekk was dry, she was getting more glitter all over herself from hugging it so much.

Haronem walked over as Teuthida and Valyrie were playing with their elekks. Valyrie's elekk was tromping around the floor, stomping on imaginary orcs, with loud sound effects from Valyrie. Teuthida's elekk followed Valyrie's around, honking enthusiastically, too.

"Let me see," Haronem said, reaching out for Valyrie's elekk.

Vaylrie snatched it away from him. "No!" She glared at him as she cuddled her elekk to her chest, spikes squooshing against her arms. "You made your own."

"Mine's stupid. I wanna see yours."

"I could help you decorate yours!" Teuthida offered. "If you get it, I can go ask for glitter..."

"Gimme," Haronem shouted. He grabbed Valyrie's elekk away from her and laughed. "Mine!"

"Hey!" Valyrie stood up, little hands clenching into fists. "Give Ellie back!"

"His name's not Ellie. It's Eldorn, and -- oof!"

Valyrie had dropped her head and charged at Haronem, knocking into him with her horns. Ellie went flying, and Teuthida caught her. Before Valyrie could charge at Haronem again, though, one of the matrons came over and separated them. She took Haronem away after scolding Valyrie -- "how many times have we told you? We don't play with our horns that way" -- and Valyrie rubbed at her head after the matron was gone.

"Are you okay?" Teuthida asked. She reached up and poked at Valyrie's head. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"Aw, that old orc-breath couldn't hurt me. But where's Ellie?"

Teuthida handed Ellie over and impulsively planted a kiss on the top of Valyrie's head, like the matrons did when someone got a scrape or a bruise. "Blessings of the Naaru!"

Valyrie looked up at Teuthida, wide-eyed. "It feels better! How did you do that?"

Teuthida beamed. "The Naaru like me."

"The Naaru like everybody!"

"I'm an everybody, and they like me!"

Valyrie couldn't fault Teuthida's logic on that point. "Wanna send Ellie and Elvonka out to stomp some more orcs?"

Teuthida held up Elvonka and honked enthusiastically. Soon enough, the two tiny elekks were stomping around. The orcs were going to be in big trouble one of these days.

Visual aid! Here's one version of a toy elekk. Though it is covered neither in spikes nor glitter -- maybe this one was Haronem's. Pretend the sheep is an elekk who was recently polymorphed.

*

"L.O.S." = line of sight.  If you lose line of sight to a target, you can't cast a spell at it or otherwise affect it.

"S.O.S." = my favorite ABBA song.

"L.O.S.", a filk by Teuthida of Feathermoon

Where is that buffed-up tank?
He seems so hard to find
I tried to throw a heal,
but there is no sight line!
Why did he move from off his spot?
I cannot understand!
We had it set up nice,
so all our heals would land!

When we can't see ya, darlin', we can't heal ya!
L.O.S.!
The heals won't find ya if we have no sight lines!
L.O.S.!
When you're gone
Up those stairs
We all panic and run
When you're gone
We stab "heal"
Nothing lands and we're done!

You seem so far away
Though you are standing near
We heal so you might live,
But you will die, we fear!
We know you can't stand in the clouds,
Or flame waves or void zones,
But if we see you not,
O, Tank, you will be pwned!

When we can't see ya, darlin', we can't heal ya!
L.O.S.!
The heals won't find ya if we have no sight lines!
L.O.S.!
When you're gone
Round the corner
We panic and run
When you're gone
Though we try
We can't heal and we're done!
When you're gone
Up those stairs
We all panic and run
When you're gone
We stab "heal"
Nothing lands and we're done!
When you're gone
Round the corner
We panic and run
When you're gone
Though we try
We can't heal and we're done!

*Teu nods along, going from wide-eyed to squinting in confusion*

...no no, certainly you are not bunny! I--

*tugs pair of bunny ears off head, sells to vendor*

--am not understanding the ears, but--

*tugs another pair of bunny ears off head, sells to vendor*

--also the chocolates! The bunnies, they are laying the chocolates? I did not--

*third pair of ears goes to vendor*

--it is very strange holiday, this Noblegarden, with the bunnies and chocolates and ears and--

*fourth pair*

--for spring fertility ritual, but--

*fifth pair*

--ENOUGH ENOUGH EARS ENOUGH! Such a waste! I--

*horrified look*

OH! OH! How many bunnies go around without ears because of you people? Awful awful! Where are earless bunnies? I have healings! Poor earless bunnies!

*hurries off in search of earless bunnies*

Teuthida: It's not that she's not smart, but things really do get lost in the translation.  Teu tends to wander around with no idea what all the festivals and rituals are about, although she usually gets the hang of them pretty fast.  However, the people she's interacted with at Noblegarden have been too busy eating chocolate and chasing bunnies to explain what on earth's going on around there, and she hasn't been back to Azure Watch--where she could get an explanation in Draenei--for quite a while.